NEMO-Buttrice

  Shrek headed to Melone’s room. The piss has dried off by now. While he was on his way, he bumped into Illuso. “Shrek, this is terrible!” he worried. “I didn’t want to bother you, but something happened to my dick when I got back to my body.” The ogre sighed. “What is wrong with it?” “It’s small!” Shrek rolled his eyes and kept moving. “It didn’t shrink!” the brunet yelled. “Merlin’s magic made Formaggio and I switch cocks!” The ogre entered Melone’s room. When Melone first moved into this room, it was meant for Shrek and Fiona’s children. Of course, before the divorce, and they wanted to live in the swamps. Melone was sowing some clothing for the baby. “Oh, Shrek, come have a seat. How are you, and what the hell is Formaggio yelling about this time?” He sat down next to him. “Illuso,” he corrected. “It was about something I could care less about." “Oh,” he said, placing down the sowing kit on the end table. “Shrek, you didn’t answer my other question?” “And what was the p...

  Prosciutto sat upon his bed. A spoon filled with warm soup entered his mouth. It was vegetable soup. He despised it as a child, but he swallowed it anyway. Shrek whipped his mouth with a napkin, gazing lovingly into his eye. The ogre kissed his soft lips, but the blond pulled away. “If it makes you feel any better, Illuso killed the evil queen,” Shrek tried to comfort him. Prosciutto sat silently, looking down at his scarred hands. When he was tortured, that bitch removed not only his eyes but four of his fingernails. His nails were healing slowly. He stared at Shrek, unsure of what to feel. While it was nice that he cared enough to care for him, Prosciutto was also filled with fury because this was all his fault. He laid back down, covering himself with the blanket. Pesci entered his room, causing Prosciutto to smile. The other smiled back. Unexpectedly, Shrek tried to kiss the blond, but he moved away from it. “Hey, Shrek,” the green-haired man sai...

  “Hmm,” Puss in Boots commented. “That sounds like something that happened to me a few years ago, but I thought that only happened to animals. I can’t remember what he said. Bah! This is why I don’t trust wizards.” He took a sip of his glass of milk. The brunet man with six pigtails sighed. “You never knew the name of the original body owner, if that’s what you call it. His name is Illuso.” He took a sip from the tankard and sighed. “You managed to get back in your body. How did you do it?” “Merlin realized the mistake and returned to us. Of course, something still went wrong, but everything is all fixed.” “But that was all fixed shortly, correct?” “Yeah, but I’m not sure why Merlin hasn’t done anything about your problem yet.” Formaggio chugged the last of his ale and then wiped his mouth. “It’s getting late. I should head home. You’re a real friend, Puss.” “Any time,” he said. Formaggio walked back to the castle. The sun was setting. He sig...

  The first month, since La Squadra started working for King Arthur, was brutal. They were constantly rushed to finish the jobs they were given. As it turns out, Formaggio, who was still body swapped with Illuso, couldn’t do his job well against people who knew magic. Where he failed, Illuso excelled, infuriating the man. It seemed like Illuso, Ghiaccio, and Risotto were better suited for assassinations away from Far Far Away. Melone couldn’t do much in his condition. Eventually, Rohan did get married to Shrek. There was a huge ceremony. Luckily for Sorbet and Gelato, they managed to find someone who was trying to assassinate Shrek and put a stop to it. They didn’t do it alone. Prosciutto and Pesci managed to stop the would-be-assassin, and Pesci managed to get his first kill. Now it was five months. For La Squadra, assassinations have been slow but deadlier than ever. Prosciutto lost an eye, forcing him to retire. Whoever Arthur’s enemies are, they were experienced i...

  Shrek covered his face with his palms, unsure of what to do. There was no way any of this was possible. He breathed in heavily and exhaled. Rohan was pregnant and wanted to get married, and now Melone was pregnant. “Damn it!” Shrek shouted. “I don’t know what to do,” Melone said. The ogre turned around to see the lilac-haired man crying. Other than him, the gang was silent. Shrek tried walking over to him, but the guy with red glasses glared at him, freezing him in place without having to use his stand. “Shrek,” Ghiaccio said, “stay the hell away from Melone. You got that?” “Ghia!” Melone shouted. “This irresponsible manwhore got you pregnant!” he argued. “How the hell was he supposed to know this would happen?” Before Ghiaccio could open his mouth, an elderly man wearing blue robes and a matching colored pointy hat poofed out of nowhere. The elder adjusted his glasses. “Shrek,” the old man called out, “there may have been a slight p...

  It was 9 PM when they arrived at the Olive Garden restaurant. Strangely, it wasn’t packed with cars as it usually was. Well, whatever happened, they don’t care. Lucien looked at Vicente’s face, which did not look happy. “What’s wrong?” Lucien asked. “We’re at an Italian restaurant,” the vampire answered. Lucien still did not know what was wrong with that and sat in silence, causing Vicente to sigh. “One, I don’t need to eat. And two, I’m allergic to garlic.” “Well, I already knew that you don’t need to eat.” “Then why are we here?” “I’m hungry, and you need to go outside more.” The vampire rolled his eyes. “Let’s just go.” Since there were a few people here, they didn’t have to wait for a table. The host gave them their menu and left. The two sat on opposite sides and opened their menu. Lucien scoured through it, wondering what to get. Did he want giant cheese stuffed shells or a steak alfredo? Wait, maybe he wanted some eggplant parmigian...

  Risotto sat at his desk, deciding who should kill their next target, who happened to be a princess from somewhere far, far away. He had many things to consider, such as who was more fitting for the task. He lied back in his seat and sighed heavily. There was no way for any of them to get closer to the target. According to the information on his computer, she was to ride back to where she came from. Her heavily armed guards will be escorting her there. She was also an ogre. Illuso would’ve been a good choice, assuming that princesses carried mirrors all the time, but an ogre’s strength could overpower him. Of course, he could do it himself, but then the guards would be alerted and move around, trying to search for him. And who knows if one of them could be a stand user. Pesci could do it , he thought. And then something felt off. He felt as if he wasn’t the only person in the room, which meant that Illuso had to be here. “Illuso,” Risotto spoke calmly as always when tal...